#26 Why Women Want Bad Boys

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol Kay and this is The Chain of Seduction, where I talk about marriage, relationships and getting what you want from them.

In yesterday’s episode  I started the whole introduction to The Chain of Seduction, and how we are biologically specialized into male survival roles and female replication roles. All based upon being adapted to The Time Before Writing, a period in human history about 10 to 15,000 years ago when we lived in small tribal villages. We’re biologically adapted to being hunter gatherers when things like spears and fire were cool new inventions.

We typically feel attracted to people well suited for life in that time, and we have an attraction disconnect living in the concrete jungle of millions of people with TV, law, economics and the internet. The things that we need to have a really successful relationship in the modern world, feel disconnected from the needs of relationships in a small tribal village in The Time Before Writing.


So here’s the classic example of how that disconnect plays out in reality. It’s cliché some women are attracted to bad boys. The rough, tough, always in a little bit of trouble, street-wise thug, all purpose jerk with a an undertone of potential violence. Some women are incredibly attracted to this type, even though they know on a rational level he’s not good for her. All her friends tell her the same line of, “I don’t know why you’re with him. He’s bad for you.”  There’s a cycle of getting involved with one of these guys, then the relationship fails as predicted… and then she gets involved with the next one. All the while wondering why she’s with this type of man to the chorus of friends saying the same thing.

She’s attracted to the type of man who has traits that would work in The Time Before Writing, yet needs something else for a modern relationship. The street-wise thug would be perfect for The Time Before Writing. He’s super high testosterone. He’s got some swagger. He’s a little bit of a bully. He doesn’t take shit from people. He’s aggressive. This is the guy you want protecting you from other guys, from predatory animals. He’s strong so he can do things like build huts and the walls for the village. This guy is perfect, the warrior thug jerk is perfect for The Time Before Writing.

Just because it’s the 21st century, doesn’t mean women lost the biological wiring that says this is the guy they should be with. He’s the one.

Ironically that warrior thug type would have created a lot of relationship comfort in The Time Before Writing. She would have felt safe and secure and taken care of and protected and he would be a really good hunter so there’d be a food supply. He would be a good provider if it was still The Time Before Writing. If it was 10 to 15,000 years ago he would be the good guy. He would be the catch. He would be the one your friends would tell to be with. This would be the one your mom would say “This is the guy you should be with. He’s going places. He’s great.”

But that same guy in the modern environment, can run himself into trouble quickly. A little scuffle here and there, a bar fight, a little bit of attitude and suddenly he’s shoved in the back of a police car, taken off to court and jailed. Can’t hold a job, a little bit pushy, gets in trouble, gets himself fired. In the modern world he’s a bad provider.

What you need in the modern world is that geeky, nerdy guy who can work in a cubicle. Someone who can concentrate for eight to ten hours a day grinding out code. That guy is the catch, you know, the short guy who’s a little bit fat with a weird complexion. The one who makes amazing money doing something arcane. That’s the guy you need in the modern world. But in The Time Before Writing, your geeky code monkey would be food for lions. He’d be shunned. He’d be disliked, hated. He’d be the slowest, the weakest link and he would have no chance of ever being with a woman.

But for now he’s the guy you should be with. He’s the guy that you’re meant to be with. He’s the guy you’re meant to feel hot and bothered by. Except you kinda don’t. I mean you know you should… but you don’t.


So we want partners based on The Time Before Writing programming, yet we need different things to have a successful relationship today. Both men and women suffer from this, we both have different things that we need versus things we want. Importantly though, it’s more of a problem for women because what makes a valued male partner now, is incredibly different to what it was in The Time Before Writing. While much of the female attractiveness is not as far apart today as it was in The Time Before Writing. If you’re a woman you’re still going to be valued for your beauty, physical attractiveness, ability to be pregnant and all that sort of stuff. You know, the stuff that guys have been attracted to for all of human history.

Importantly, being attracted isn’t a rational thought process. People just feel attracted to certain people on a non-rational level.

Anyway, I’ve gone completely off the script that I was going to do today. Tomorrow I’ll do what I prepared for today where I’m going to talk about how just why it is that we are attracted on a non-rational level. So I will talk about why it’s not particularly rational tomorrow.

I’m going to shoot that now and I will finally catch up, hopefully, and get myself doing the shooting the day before I release the video! I hope you like the video. Please like, share, subscribe, comment. Do subscribe on YouTube, it makes a huge difference to me. And I will talk to you tomorrow.


(This one got some heavy edits from the video transcript, I rambled slightly lol)


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