#27 Attraction Isn’t Rational

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol Kay and this is The Chain of Seduction, where I talk about marriage, relationships and getting what you want from them.

If you were watching yesterday’s video, yes I am in the same shirt, I’m shooting the video straight after that one. I scripted this one but I went totally off on a tangent lol. Anyway, today I want to talk about how attraction working on a biological level and why it’s not something we have a rational control over. Let’s start with a good example of that.

If you’re a guy and you look at a woman and she has a really nice set of breasts, there is no rational part of your brain that says, “You know those breasts are really nicely rounded, they are proportional to her body size, they have nice curve to them, I should theoretically like these breasts.”  You’re not thinking of any of these things on a rational let’s tick off the boxes level. All that’s happening is you look at a woman with a nice set of breasts and you are just turned on. You’re just interested. You’re a little bit excited. You get that rush of adrenaline and dopamine and it just turns you on. If there is a rational thought that is running through your head, it’s “Oh my god I’ve got to stop staring at her or she’s going to make a complaint to Human Resources.”

There’s no rational thought behind it. It’s just this biological response. You see something. They’re not doing anything to you necessarily. You’re experiencing something about them that’s attractive and it’s your own body responding on a biological level to be interested in them.

Let me give you a female example. Let’s take a classic, bordering on cliche, example of something that girls and women are attracted to. Let’s take the high school, college or pro-football quarterback. Most women have some degree of attraction to these guys. They’re not necessary head over heels but there’s a certain group of women that are going to be incredibly attracted and turned on by quarterbacks.

They’re not going to have any rational thought about this along the lines of, “Well he is really physically fit, which suggests that he has a high testosterone level, which would suggest that he would produce a lot of high quality sperm and would increase the chances him getting me pregnant so that is attractive. He is physically good looking with a symmetrical face, which everybody knows is correlated to sperm that creates a baby with a really good immune system. He carries a disproportionately good influence on his social peer group, is tall and that is really well indexed to current and future earnings potential.”

There is no girl or woman going through that tick off the boxes does he meet this criteria, it’s just “Oh he’s hot, I kind of like him.” It’s just a spark of attraction and it happens on a non-rational level. It’s biological programming releasing hormones and neurochemicals creating excitement and drawing her attention to him. It’s not a rational tick off the box thing.

When we are attracted, we’re not like Vulcans from Star Trek. We don’t have conversations like, “It would be logical if we created a relationship and mated. In fact it would be irrational if we did not mate with each other, because we both have high value genetic and social indications, suggestive of good offspring and we would live long and prosper.”

No, we just feel it on a non-rational level. We are attracted to attractive people, and we have no control over who we are attracted to.

We do have control over what we do about that attraction thought. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you have to go out and initiate sex, start a relationship, or cheat on your spouse. All I’m saying is that attraction itself is normal and uncontrollable.

For me there are plenty of women I find very attractive, I just don’t do anything about it. I’m attracted to my wife, our relationship is good, I’m committed to her and it is for me the right moral, common sense thing to do. Let’s not complicate things with some sort of stupid relationship with somebody else.

What all this really means if your partner is not particularly attracted to you currently, you being mad, sad or resentful they aren’t attracted to you, doesn’t help your situation. It’s only going to make it worse. They have no control over being attracted to you. For them, being attracted is an involuntary biological response. The problem is that you’re not attractive to them.

Thankfully there are things that you can do we will talk about as I go through the whole Chain of Seduction model on this channel. There are things you can do that will increase your attractiveness. Once you become more attractive, they will become more attracted, and they will respond to you a whole lot better.

It’s really important, in the early part of the process, you don’t go at them angry and demand they respond to you because it’s not going to happen. Pace yourself a little bit. Work on your own attractiveness. Stop doing all the negative initiations on their space, because you being mad at them doesn’t make them like you any more, it just makes you look less attractive to them, less fun to be with. They don’t want to be with you if you’re going to be constantly blaming them and being sad about it all. Sometimes you’ve just got to lighten up.

Anyway that’s been a whole bunch of stuff that I just threw at you today. I hope you like the video. I do this every single day so please like, share, comment and please do subscribe on YouTube and I will talk to you tomorrow.

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