#32 Meeting Someone for the First Time

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol Kay and this is The Chain of Seduction.

Today I’m going through the Chain of Seduction showing why everything happens in the order it does. I’m doing it as if you’re meeting someone for the first time, where you’re seducing them into a sexual relationship with you, where you are trying to make them your new partner.

 

Physical

So the first link is the Physical and I know how horribly politically incorrect this link in the Chain can seem. The reality is when you’re meeting someone for the first time, you’re going to give them the once over and assess whether or not you think they’re sexually attractive, fit and healthy. This will be a snap judgement. You just look at them and your own Body Agenda will decide if they’re someone interesting to your libido.

If they pass whatever the test is, then you can go on to the other five links in the Chain of Seduction. But if they fail the test, you’re not going to have any further interest in thinking of them as a potential sexual partner. You’ll just hit them with the Friendzone cloak of invisibility and ignore their attempts to set up dates et al.  You’re just not interested.

 

Attraction

Now we’re on to the Attraction link. This is where people always ask the same questions. “What do you do? Who are you? Tell me about yourself. What are you into? What do you like? What do you do for fun?”  We start checking each other out in terms of how overall attractive we are. Sure you passed the Physical but tell me a little bit more about yourself. What do you do for work? Are you high value? Are you appealing? Are you socially dominant? Do you lead in some way? How important are you? Where do you fit in your social group? We ask all these questions about someone’s general attractiveness.

There’s a mix of things too. It can be the way we dress. It can be the way we hold ourselves. It’s the way we carry ourselves. It’s the way we interact with people that makes other people think we have high self esteem, worth something to ourselves and other people value us too. Also want to know if there’s competition and whether other people are interested in pursuing a potentially partner as well. Because sure he’s an attractive guy but he sure does look more attractive if there are five women trying to talk to him as opposed to no one.

 

Comfort

If we pass that link in the Chain of Seduction, we become far more interested in the Relationship Comfort question. Are we going to be comfortable? Are we going to feel safe? Are we going to feel secure? Is this person basically pleasant, sociable and agreeable to be in a relationship with them. We’re going to want to assess not just how do they treat us but how do they treat other people. Are they loyal? Do they have a good character? Are they considerate? Are they pleasant? Are they affectionate? Are they going to meet what would be the equivalent of our Five Love Languages? Are they reaching out and connecting? Do we feel warm and fuzzy with them? Basically another question to ask is do we think deep down that they would be a good parent to our children real or imagined in the future.

Now in terms of how long this process lasts, this can actually take a number of weeks or months at this stage. We may take a while to create a sense of Relationship Comfort before people are wanting to necessarily go much further. Of course it could be a whole lot quicker. One night stands of course happen. So assuming that we have some sort of past, that both people are comfortable with the idea of potentially having sex at some point, we move on to the Energy link in the Chain of Seduction.

 

Energy

This is something that becomes far more important in marriages and long term relationships, as opposed to a dating relationship because the question is do we have enough energy to do this. If everyone is young, carefree, kid-free, starting careers and they’re out on a Friday night having a good time, the Energy link in the Chain of Seduction effortless to pass. They’re out and seeking because they have tons of energy. But once you get into a long term relationship, once you’re in a marriage and time passes and you have multiple serious responsibilities, the Energy link in the Chain of Seduction becomes far more important.

One of the things I’m just going to mention really quickly in passing here because it’s a full length video topic itself, is that the Energy link tends to be far more of an issue for women than it does for men. For the most part when guys are exhausted, they tend to still be able to be turned on and up for sex. They may want it sort of short and sweet, but they’re always kind of sort of up for it. Where for women it tends to be something that really kills her libido.

Remember we have that ancient Time Before Writing wiring telling her if she has sex there’s a real chance she could get pregnant. Then she has to expend all this extra energy for nine months, then there’s another kid that she’s going to have to raise and take care of and she’s already tired now. So her body tends to switch off her libido when women are in a state of being pretty exhausted. So that thing of I’m too tired, not tonight, maybe later…yeah it can be a little bit of an excuse. It can be a little bit of a white lie, but some of it’s pretty true as well.

 

Initiation

So moving on assuming we’ve passed that Energy link in the Chain of Seduction, we’re into the Initiation. Importantly it’s not just a sense of sexual initiation, it’s all purpose being playful, intentional and engaging with your partner inside and outside the bedroom. Remember the Initiation link is based on the dopamine Love System, so it corresponds with the Attraction link in the Chain of Seduction. Except instead of this generalized display of how awesome, fun, interesting and high value we are, it’s bringing that in specific to our partner by being playful and engaging.

So the Initiation link in the chain is about creating an enjoyable flirty, connective experience. Are we being up and engaging and fun or are we being down and depressing and dull? This is the final sales pitch to get to Consummation. If the sales pitch is flat, why would we buy the product?

 

Consummation

Assuming we’ve passed the Initiation link we’re on to the Consummation and we actually get to have the sex. So woo-hoo go you!

 

Six Links in Order

So for someone who’s starting a dating relationship, or looking to meet someone, or whatever it is, you have to pass each of these six links in order. You have to prove that you passed the minimum standards of Physicality. You have to display enough Attractiveness and that you’re interesting in a general sense that they would want to consider dating you further. You date them further and whatever to prove that you are someone that they could be comfortable to be in a relationship with. You’ve got to get them to a place where life in general has enough energy left over to think about having the sex, because remember we’re wired to think that the sex will create children and children are a lot of work and a lot of energy. Assuming we have enough Energy we’re going to be fun and playful and engaging and flirty, both inside and outside the bedroom, to the point where people are engaged enough and excited enough and looking forward to it enough that they will have sex with you.

Edit: Note that being really good at a later link in the Chain, doesn’t count for ANYTHING if you’re failing an earlier link in the chain. You may be amazing at creating Comfort, but if you fail at Physical or Attraction, you’ll be ignored as a potential partner before anyone is curious if you’re good at Comfort.

So that’s how the six links in the Chain of Seduction work. They all tie to the Three Love Systems and the three Love Systems all tie to that biological agenda that’s been established in The Time Before Writing.

That’s an awful lot of stuff that I just threw at you today. We will keep talking. I will keep doing this stuff. This is not going to end, so please like, comment, subscribe and I will talk to you tomorrow.

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