#33 Sex Drive Lost After Menopause

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol and this is The Chain of Seduction. Today I’ve got a nice long reader question and it feeds in really well to the Three Love Systems thoughts. So here we go.

“Hi Athol, I’ve just read your Married Man Sex Life Primer. My wife hit menopause really early at 42. She’s 53 now. She has blamed her lack of sexual interest on menopause ever since. Anyways I’m working on the MAP, starting to get results, especially the gym work however in the book your plan is really about women who are still ovulating and even though she’s willing and trying I just can’t get my lady turned on even if she allows sex. Have you got any feedback about how to deal with the menopause question. Great family, great Beta stuff, she’s accepting Alpha but just not wet. Thoughts appreciated.”

Okay so things are basically good and the problem is menopause. I have three thoughts on this.


(1) You can make some progress, but it’s slow.

The first thought is you can probably make some consistent progress with working out, being more Alpha, upping your attractiveness and doing everything that I talk about on this show in terms of improving things. You can make progress. You can improve things with Relationship Momentum. But it’s probably going to go a slower in that she doesn’t have the ability to respond as much as you would like, or necessarily she would like.

Some of the links in the Chain of Seduction, particularly the Consummation link, is not going to work as well as it would otherwise. She’s going to have a limited ability to respond.


(2) It’s a medical issue, so needs a medical solution.

With a medical issue you can change what you’re doing and become more attractive, but ultimately this is something that may require a medical solution. When she doesn’t have the sex hormones she needs to feel responsive, it’s like she’s partially deaf and you’re trying to play music to her. She may want to hear it, but she doesn’t because she’s deaf.

So hormones all out of whack mean going to the doctor, drawing a bunch of labs, seeing what’s really going on with her endocrine system. She may well be short on a number of hormones, so needs some kind of hormone replacement. Now that may be some kind of a task to find a doctor who’s going to be good at that, but it’s probably going to pay benefits.

With hormone replacement therapy for women there’s lots of thoughts that it’s going to cause cancer or they’re going to have some kind of negative responses to it. I tend not to worry about that too much as replacing hormones levels back to normal levels shouldn’t really have any kind of negative effect. You probably have higher risks for negative effects by having your hormone levels out of whack. She may well feel better just in a general sense, let alone potential improvements to libido on HRT. So it’s certainly well worth looking into. And you’re probably looking for some kind of anti-aging specialist.


(3) The MAP gets you to the doctor

If this is all medical, a common concern is running a MAP isn’t going to fix the problem. That true on one level and not true on another, because you making the changes you’re making, you becoming more attractive, you looking fitter, et al, is going to raise your value. As your value goes up, she’s going to have a greater sense that she may lose something if she doesn’t do the things that she needs to. She’s going to be more concerned about keeping the relationship good. As you increase your attractiveness you’re going to be able to leverage it to put her in a position where she says, “You know what, I really do need to go to the doctor. I really do need to get checked out. Let me look into it.” As opposed to “No this is not a problem, it’s just normal that everyone gets older and people’s sex drives go away and that’s all there is to it and just suck it up buttercup.”



You can make progress doing your thing and becoming more attractive but it’s going to be probably slower. There may well be something that’s medically off with her and the true solution for that is going to be medical. Becoming more attractive is going to get you in a position where you can leverage that and get her to the doctor more easily.

This is a fairly common thing with menopause. Some women are just fine with it and other women find that their whole libido just vanishes when it happens. So it really is a normal medical thing and I don’t think hormone replacement therapy is that strange of a treatment.

So that’s about it. Going to leave it there. I hope you like the video. Please like, comment, share and please do subscribe on YouTube and I will talk to you tomorrow.

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