Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol and this is The Chain of Seduction. Today I want to talk more about Consummation, the final link in The Chain of Seduction.
Yesterday I talked about how we want to make the sex itself good, and if the sex itself is good that’s going to help improve the Relationship Momentum. If the sex is bad, it’s going to make the Relationship Momentum get worse. What I find is that many people have little idea about what really turns them on, and even less idea about what turns on their partner. So this video is really about finding a way to have a shared language to identify what we’re into and identify what our partner is into. This essentially the same thing I’ve done with the Attraction and the Comfort links. I’m going to talk about six Brands of Sexuality.
Something to be aware of is often with these Brands of Sexuality, they may feel awkwardly true to you. These tend to tap into our upbringing and our primal Time Before Writing sexual wiring. So we may have no conscious understanding of why we are turned on by certain things, or why something doesn’t turn us on. When we talk about true erotic potential, a lot of it is not terribly politically correct. For the nice guy who thinks of himself as a feminist, the idea that he can get some sort of sexual enjoyment from sexually dominating a woman is extremely counter-intuitive. If you see yourself as the high powered, strong, independent woman and you’re discovering that part of you has wiring for sexual submissiveness, this goes completely against the grain. So some of this isn’t going to be terribly politically correct, and can interfere with accepting what actually really turns you on.
Dominant and Submissive
On to the first two Brands of Sexuality I just kind of touched on. One is Dominant and the other one is Submissive. Someone who is sexually dominant actually gets sexual enjoyment, a little thrill, from telling people what to do in the bedroom. They like setting direction, taking the lead, and making someone else accept something they are doing or demanding that someone else attend to them in a certain way. The flip side is of course the submissives who enjoy being given direction, enjoy being told what to do. They can enjoy being told to lie there and take what I’m doing to you or alternatively being told I’m going to lie here and you’re going to do this to me.
The next Brand of Sexuality is the Sensual. The Sensual people enjoy the whole thing of the setting the scene, the staging, the high thread count sheets, the candles lit. Plus the music playing, the glass of wine, the long slow luxurious massages, the long slow deep kissing, before they get to the point of actually having and enjoying the sex. Often with the people who are into the whole Sensual thing, they show signs of sexual interest that are really subtle. For them, having a 45 minute bath and shaving their legs perfectly smooth, making sure they’re wearing the perfect amount of perfume and making sure everything has perfectly set the scene, these are often ways the Sensual person initiates. It’s not terribly in your face and sometimes it can really be missed. Or if you’re just jumping straight through to what you want, the Sensual person often feels like it was all rushed. They wanted it to go a little slower.
Kind of the flip side to the Sensual people are the people who have the Rough brand of sexuality. It doesn’t mean that they like it violent. It doesn’t mean they like to necessarily be hurt. But it does mean they like a high degree of physical intensity with the sex. This can kind of pair pretty well to those who are also Submissive. This is again it’s politically incorrect to think you’re going to be rough during sex. I’ve talked to a number of guys who are terrified that they’re going to hurt their wives, she’s going to flip out and say he’s some sort of horrible abuser. The reality for a lot of those situations is the guys tend to only be working in that one to maybe three level of intensity, and the wife is more in tune to doing it between level four, five and six. Often it takes a lot to actually push the guys to get to the point where the wife is actually saying okay I’m not wanting any more intensity than this.
The fifth Brand of Sexuality is Responsive. These are the people who get their greatest level of sexual enjoyment, by their partner’s reaction to what’s happening. So if their partner is turned on, if their partner is orgasming, if their partner is saying it’s wonderful, that’s their greatest level of enjoyment. There are a lot of guys who are Responsive, and their primary complaint is that their wife is not into it, their wife is not turned on. She didn’t want the orgasm. She wasn’t moaning and groaning, because that’s something they need. That’s something they need to feel fully turned on themselves and fully enjoy the sex themselves.
When you have two people that are Responsive, or maybe a Responsive and a Submissive, often you kind of get these sort of sexual standoffs where each person is waiting for the other one to set the agenda. Waiting to set some direction, to make things happen and be turned on, resulting in mutual submission deadlocks. In these situations someone’s just got to take the lead and say what it is they want and get the ball rolling.
And the sixth and final Brand of Sexuality is Taboo. There are many people who have been brought up in some kind of repressive sexual environment who have been told to say no to everything and anything remotely sexual. If you’ve been told endlessly not to do it, shamed for it, you can get a lot of erotic power from “breaking the rules and being naughty”.
For the Taboo, breaking the rules, being naughty, being kinky, being dirty, whatever that is in their head, provides them with the greatest level of sexual turn on. Often they are someone who is into being somewhat exhibitionistic, or voyeuristic, or liking a whole range of positions, or liking things like anal sex and oral sex, things that are somewhat more taboo than just vanilla sexuality.
So those are the six Brands of Sexuality. There’s Dominance and Submission. There’s Sensual and Rough. And there is Responsive and Taboo. We are all into these six Brands of Sexuality to at least some degree, but often for one person there are one or two brands that are the greatest turn ons.
If you can figure out what your partner is really into and you can figure out what you’re really into, that can really clarify where you spend your time and attention in the bedroom. That’s going to help you create the sexual experiences that are going to get you those +1, +2, +3 moments that are going to improve the Relationship Momentum. Because as I said yesterday, the goal is to make the relationship happier, more content, more sexual and it’s going to get both of you what you want. It’s also going to stop you chasing your tail pursuing the sex that maybe one of you just doesn’t like or the sex that the two of you just don’t really want.
So that’s about it. Going to leave it there. I hope you like the video. Please like, share, comment, and subscribe, all that good internet stuff, and I will talk to you tomorrow.