Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol and this is Relationship Momentum.
I’m going to talk about the Enneagram personality system in reference to the whole Alpha Male genre that’s out there circulating the internet.
All you need to know for the purpose of this video about the Enneagram is they break everyone’s personalities down to nine different types and they assign a number to each of the different types. I’m not going to go into each of the nine types, what the numbers stand for, just for now accept that the number one through nine is tied to a particular personality type. I think this is going to be really helpful to understand like I say the genre of the whole Alpha Male thing that is circulating.
Everything that is out there talking about Alpha Males on the internet, in books, on reddit, on forums, on blogs, they’re essentially saying be like an Enneagram Type Three. Be the achiever, be the success type. Or they’re saying be like the Enneagram Seven, be the life of the party, enthusiastic, over the top, engaging and sort of risk taking. Or they’re saying be like the Enneagram Type Eight. Be the challenger, be dominant, be powerful, be aggressive, don’t take crap from anyone just plow your way through things.
The truth is for those three types, the Three, the Seven and the Eight, they have a relatively direct path to being attractive, dominant, pleasing and pulling the attention of women. But for many of the other types, this comes sort of late in the game. I mean if you’re a male Two, which is all about helping and loving and caring and sharing, if you’re a Two, it’s a hard road. If you’re a Four and you’re that introverted, over-feeling, artistic type; or you’re a Five, the introverted, over-thinking, researching, nerdy type; or the Nine, the peacemaker, let’s all get along, let’s all be super agreeable, nothing is a big problem. For these personality types doing the thing that is immediately attractive like the Three, the Seven and the Eight, it comes a little harder.
When you’re faced with this advice of you have to be exactly like these other three personalities, or hopefully some sort of magical combination of all three that defies all reason and logical possibility, it’s hard. You can try to be like that. You can bang your head against the wall and you can try, and you can succeed mostly, kinda, sorta. For a little bit. For a while. You can pull it together for a while but then it’s exhausting because it’s not who you really are. It’s not who you can really be for any sustained long period of time, being a completely different person from who you are.
The good news is the Threes, the Sevens and the Eights, have a lot of trouble with creating Relationship Comfort. A lot of trouble. And Twos can create Relationship Comfort just endlessly, and Sixes can, and Nines can. Fives can even do it. Fours if they’re in a really good place. Many of the other types are stronger at different areas in the whole model of the Relationship Momentum. We all have different skills and abilities.
You can do the things that some of the other types do with a little extra effort, with a lot of concentration. It’s certainly great to cover your weaknesses but they will never turn into your strengths. They will never turn into the main event. They will never turn into the highlight reel, the thing that everybody talks about. If you’re a nerdy guy working as some sort of tech head, you’re never going to become the MMA star that is just awesome and steps into the ring and is mind-blowingly awesome. You’re never going to be a different person than you are. The way forward is to maximize who you are and be the very best version of yourself.
Women have exactly the same problem with this stuff too. All the advice to women about how they’re meant to be, is they should be some sort of perfect magical amalgam of an Enneagram Two with a Six and a Nine. Those three together would be awesome except sometimes you can dress up real nice and you can be like a Seven or a Three, preferably in the bedroom. But we don’t really want to encourage you to be a One, or an Eight. Oh my god ladies not an Eight.
We are all faced with this problem of we can’t be somebody else to be our most attractive self. We can only be our most attractive self, our most appealing self, our most valuable self, when we are maximizing who we are, and a lot of that’s based on our personality type. So you have to take all the advice out there about being attractive, having some cookie cutter version of what it is, you have to take it all with a little bit of a grain of salt. Because more often than not, the person that is writing it, or teaching it, or shooting the videos or whatever it is, they’re really teaching you about what they need to do to maximize their own attractiveness.
To be honest, I do the same thing. I’m an Enneagram Five, I over-think. I’m the researcher type, and the way forward for an Enneagram Five is to stop over-thinking it and just go do it. Just get out of your head, get into action. If you take all the books I’ve written, all the videos I’ve shot, and it’s all going to boil down to that at least on some level. Stop over-thinking it, just do it. Plow ahead. Make the mistakes. If you fail, so what? You pick yourself up and keep going. Haters gonna hate, whatever.
The people who are teaching other people how to be attractive, how to be the best version of themselves are often teaching advice that is tailor made to their specific Enneagram type. The Fours are teaching you how to be empathetic. The Twos are telling you how to love. The Ones are telling you how to create rules. The Sevens don’t teach anyone, they just party. And the Nines they’re all pretty quiet. They just keep to themselves.
But we’re all different people. We all have a lot of different personality types so you kind of have to look past some of the cookie cutter advice. That’s why with the whole Relationship Momentum thing, when I’ve talked about the Brands of Attraction and the Brands of Comfort Making and the Brands of Sexuality, there’s a menu of things that you can choose from, that you can identify with, that you can say yeah I’m into that but not quite so much that. It’s an open system. It’s fluid. It’s adaptable. It’s going to work for you.
So that’s about it. Please like, share, comment, subscribe, all that good internet stuff, and I will talk to you tomorrow.