#51 Don’t Carry People Through Life

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol and this is Relationship Momentum. And today, lucky you, we’re going to have a World of Warcraft metaphor story. I know you love them. Watch everyone click away. Pay attention. It’s going to make sense.

Okay, once upon a time, going back all the way to Vanilla World of Warcraft (2004) I ran a guild. If you want the short explanation of what World of Warcraft is, it’s where geeks and nerds get together and have virtual dolls they play with. They run their dolls through little experiences, and have parties together, and try and get better clothes, I mean armor, for their dolls, so their dolls are better at playing the game. I’m not sure if that really sold it, but that’s what we did.

Anyway, so I was a guild leader. I had a bunch of people in my guild and we had a mixture of good players and bad players. Players that play a lot, and players that didn’t play so much. It’s a fairly time intensive game.

So what I ended up doing in order to benefit the guild, I spent a lot of time with some of the weaker players trying to help them. We’d complete quests together, run them through the lower level dungeons, getting them to level up their dolls. That way they could play the game with the rest of us with our awesome dolls and help us get the really good dresses.

The more I spent doing this, the more they kind of relaxed into that role. After a certain point I was spending most of my time not enjoying the game any more, and spending most of my time just carrying people. Once we finally got them to the level cap, once they were finally ready for the epic dungeons and raids and everything, once we finally got them there, well half of them quit playing the game. The other half just sucked.

All that effort into carrying them and making them better was pointless. It was for nothing. It just gave them an easy game experience and then they kind of lost interest or never really made it to the level cap and then they were gone.

I’ve seen that same dynamic happen over and over again in the real world in my real life. The people that I have gone above and beyond to, the people I’ve spent hours and hours slaving away to try and carry them through a situation, there’s almost never been a reward for it. Sometimes not even a thank you, let alone getting some sort of payment for services rendered. Meanwhile there are some people that pay me hundreds and thousands of dollars over years to fix their problem and I always find that they are far more appreciative, far more polite, far more just nicer to deal with, respectful of my time, kinder to me, interested, invested, and just way more appreciative than those I’ve tried to carry.

So for me it’s just been incredibly clarifying, especially over these last two years. The people I have better boundaries with, treat me better, are more appreciative. Anyone I go above and beyond for, I try and carry them and drag them through a situation, there’s very little payoff sometimes. Sometimes there is but other times not nearly so much.

If you’re too nice, I know that there are people in situations that are in your life that in part you’ve created that are just draining the life out of you. You’re turning into the situation where you’re a sled dog pulling a sled, and you think there’s another six dogs pulling the sled with you, and then when you look back all the other dogs are sitting in the sled and it’s just you pulling. That’s you being too nice. That’s you carrying people through life and at the end of the day you’ve just got to stop.

Whether that’s you lose your temper and you demand the other dogs start pulling, or you just cut yourself loose and they can be trapped on their sled and you go your merry way, I don’t know. That’s for your situation. But you can’t carry people through life and ever hope that it’s going to get better with them. Because it’s not going to get better until you stop carrying them.

Anyway, that’s about it. I hope you like the video. Please like, share, comment and most importantly subscribe. And I will talk to you tomorrow.

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