It’s all aboard the hype train as Jesse Wellens of Prank vs Prank fame finally tells the truth about his daughter.
Hi there, my name is Athol and in this video I’m going to be reacting to Jesse Wellens’ video, where he finally tells the story about his daughter, which has been a huge hype train thing on YouTube and the internet in general for a good old year now.
Alrighty, so here’s the story. He was 19 years old, fooled around with his girlfriend, goes off to boot camp and two months later she shows up. She’s pregnant, says he’s the father. He’s shocked, says okay well let’s get married. She moves in with his parents and then it turns out later on there are two other possible guys that are the father of the baby. He wants a paternity test, she refuses. He can’t get to the actual birth of the kid because he’s still locked into the military and can’t get away. One of the other guys shows up to the birth, and Jesse’s name is put on the birth certificate. Shortly after that the baby is adopted out to what Jesse says is a pretty nice family. He has some contact with that family and gets to get some updates on the daughter until she’s about six, whereupon contact is suddenly dropped and has no particular way of contacting them and hasn’t had any messages back. So Jesse’s problem is basically he’s not 100% sure the daughter is his and he’s just stuck with this sense of, as he said many, many times in his video, “I just gotta know.”
Alrighty, so that’s the summary and from now on I’m going to be shooting this video like I’m talking to Jesse. Like he had sent this in to me as a question.
Okay so here’s my first thought. Oh my god the freaking hype train of drama surrounding this compared to the reality of the story of what actually happened. The reality is not nearly as bad as people have been imagining or hoping that it was. I think you could have probably told the story months ago, a year ago, and you probably would have saved yourself this endless, endless amount of grief of being barraged with comments almost on a daily basis. What are you doing about your daughter? Where’s your daughter? Blah blah blah. Daughter, daughter, daughter, daughter.
I think some of this hype train is more about basic trolling and long term fans who are really more upset about your breakup with Jeana. Except attacking you on the daughter issue and framing you as a bad father, or somehow a loser or whatever it is, that’s a way more target rich environment than piling on about your relationship with Jeana. I think people are focus firing on you because they see you exhibiting fear and weakness about this stuff and they know they can get to you, so they hammer on it. It’s a little harder to hammer on you about the breakup. Much easier on the question of whether or not you’re a good father. That’s a real kryptonite issue for just about everyone.
So overall, I’m only really seeing that you did one thing wrong, which is you had unprotected sex when you were 19. Of course now I know you’re in your early thirties and you can look back and say what the hell was I doing. I mean, you know. The reason you don’t have unprotected sex is because you can kick off incidents exactly like this one. The rules are in place not to punish you and kill everybody’s fun, but to stop drama like this. I totally know you get it. I’m not going to harp on that any more. But that’s the one thing you did wrong.
After that though, this whole chain of events that just plays out. It really does fall like a giant chain of dominoes. My hunch is that you really didn’t have a whole lot of power over that. I mean you’re stuck with being passive about all of this, because you’re trapped in the military and you can’t get away. Meanwhile your girlfriend at the time is the one who has the power. She’s the one that is actively driving the story on this. She’s making decisions. She knows the truth of the situation and she’s willing to play dirty. I mean she’s got your name on the birth certificate, yet she’s denying a paternity test. She’s the one that decides to adopt the baby out. She knows there are two other guys that are potential fathers. In terms of the story, she’s the protagonist. She’s the one driving the bus on this story, so if anyone should be the villain of the piece it’s her because she’s gone out of her way to create all this drama. In a sense, you’re someone who’s had this happen to you.
I know you’re worried about, and you think about, is this girl mine. Is this daughter mine. But I think the big picture is you really probably have dodged a bullet. I’m giving you this perspective from someone who’s now dealt with hundreds and hundreds of marriages on a coaching level, and certainly thousands in terms of people that have read my books and material and asked me questions.
Take the vanilla story of age nineteen boyfriend and girlfriend fooling around, she gets pregnant, they get married. Just that vanilla story. That’s an incredibly risky relationship to turn into a marriage. Often they’ve made the mistake of getting pregnant and then getting married turns into a second mistake rather than a solution for the first one. You have to know if you’re getting married as a teenager, and especially if there’s an unwanted pregnancy involved, you’re looking at maybe a ten, maybe fifteen percent chance of that marriage still being intact by the time you’re thirty. It’s a far more likely scenario that the marriage breaks down relatively quickly while you guys are in your twenties. Then you’re looking at potential alimony and child support and shuttling a kid backwards and forwards and just the whole drama of being divorced at a relatively young age. Which can really affect your ability to find someone new you’re going to be a long term partner with and it’s just a giant mess for everyone involved. It would be a mess for you, a mess for her, and a mess for the kid.
That’s the vanilla version of it. When you throw in that she was impulsive enough to have three potential fathers of her baby, I mean you have to look at that like she was probably only fertile and ovulating for three or four days, five days maybe six tops as a window of opportunity to get pregnant. That’s an incredibly impulsive, risk taking, stimulation seeking, poor decision making chain of events for her to do.That’s really, really extreme behavior. Then you have to say okay what was her back story? What was driving her to even have that be a good idea in her mind, or even just an average idea? What made her think that that was acceptable or normal? And when you look at that, I would almost assume that she has some sort of sexual abuse or basic crappy childhood horrible set of experiences.
So when you have that kind of just impulsivity and risk taking, to then marry that at an early age of nineteen with an unwanted pregnancy and the question of who’s the father, I would guarantee that you guys would have been divorced by the time you were twenty-three, twenty-four. Absolutely guarantee it. I would give you a 0% chance that that relationship would have worked. So in that sense, I think you’ve dodged a bullet. Potentially your girlfriend at the time had some things going on. Overall for the kid, the kid has dodged a bullet of sorts too. If she’s found a way to be in a family that are going to love and accept her and are being stable.
The whole thing of her refusing a paternity test, that is a big red flag that she was pretty sure that the baby wasn’t yours. She knew when she told you that the baby was yours, she knew that it probably wasn’t, or at least that there was a pretty good chance that it wasn’t. She’s told a big old lie like she was in a Jerry Springer episode. She’s claimed it’s yours and really we should be opening a paternity test to find out whether or not you’re the father, and whether or not you should be doing the I’m not the father dance or whatever. No wait, that’s Maury Povich or whoever. But she was really sure of this, so I don’t even think it’s a one in three chance that you’re the father. I would be thinking that it would be a much, much lower chance. Maybe 5% or less.
Also that thing of you were in contact with the family until the daughter was six and then suddenly it ends. There’s another two guys out there going through that same though process as you, and I kind of suspect maybe one of them might have tried to find out, and there’s a chance that one of them is the father and then that’s why the adoptive family stopped contacting you. It’s a possibility.
Alrighty, so here’s the summary.
(1) I think you have to own the idea that you really only did one main thing wrong, which is having the unprotected sex when you were nineteen. And really this whole situation is punishment enough for this.
(2) I think you have to accept that if this girl has gone to a good family, that really probably is the best. Infertility is a terrible curse on many, many couples. And a healthy good baby is just an amazing blessing for many of those couples and it can certainly have a good result for people from this overall bad situation.
(3) I think you have to accept you dodged a bullet with this woman that you had the relationship with. I would be almost totally sure that it was going to be a complete explosion on you at some point in your early twenties. This could have played out so much worse than it did. You might still be in a relationship with the crazy lady, trying to shuttle a daughter backwards and forwards, paying alimony, paying child support, whatever it is. This could have just been so much worse. You could have had no real time in your life to do anything YouTube related and all the success that you have, may never have happened because if this situation. The fact that you have the time, the free time to be worrying about this is sort of a testament to that many things in your life have gone pretty well and you have the luxury of having this bother you.
(4) You have to accept that you can’t really control the situation. You are probably never going to know whether the kid is yours or not. And you have no real ability of having her show up in your life to find out. She may do, she may not. It may be the case of that kid needs to turn eighteen and wants to seek out their real father and that may or may not be you, so you may never know.
So the real question you need to be asking yourself is not, “Do I have a daughter, because I just need to know.”
I think the real question is, “How has this all held me back from what I really want?”