One very common mistake almost everyone makes in their relationship is forgetting to build attraction.
Hi, My name is Athol Kay and this is a short video about attraction vs relationship comfort.
Very, very often when I talk to guys, they’ve had a relationship that’s had this slow decline over several years and then they get to this sort of wake up point where it now just kind of sucks. It’s now at a point where it’s very natural and normal to be unhappy with your wife or girlfriend. Why was it so good before? I’m doing all this stuff to basically be nice and make this relationship work, but meanwhile you’re getting meaner towards me, the sex is starting to disappear, and I’m starting to feel like I’m last in line for everything. The kids come first, I don’t get sex, and I’m taken for granted.
This is very common. Usually though what I’ve found is over that slow decline you’ve stopped doing all the things that were generating attraction for her in the first place. So it’s kind of an exaggeration but let’s take an example.
If when you first met her, you were wearing leather jackets, riding motorcycles, playing guitar in a band, scruffy beard etc., and that was what she was into. Then you’ve cleaned up your act. The leather jacket’s gone, you now drive a minivan, goodness knows where the guitar is, and you’re walking around clean shaven, you’re not doing anything any more that was attracting her. This is very counter-intuitive because plenty of times the wife is saying these are the things I actually want you to do, but if they are not the things that are creating attraction, slowly over time she’s going to lose interest.
You’re spending all your time and effort and energy on trying to appease her and trying to be nice and sweet and caring and do all these lovey-dovey things, which can be really important in terms of creating comfort, but they don’t create attraction.
So unless you know what actually attracts her, you’re always eventually going to run out of steam and miss the mark, and her interest in you is going to go down and down and down.