Book Updates, Price Drop, Kindle, iTunes, Nook and Kobo

This post takes the video transcript as a rough draft and is edits for readability.

Hi there, I have three books published and I want to catch you up on my approach to pricing, which retail platform my books are on and my general book marketing strategy. It’s going to explain why I have changed things in the past month with the books.

I started thinking things through differently after finishing the video series and doing Facebook advertising for it. Getting in to do the Facebook ads, they give you a lot of information about marketplaces and potential target demographics. It’s easy to search for people that are married, male and between the ages of 35 and 55, and it will give you a number of people who are on Facebook who meet that demographic. For my own personal interest I looked at different countries and was blown away at how many people outside of what you might think of as traditional English speaking countries actually speak English and flag themselves as such on their Facebook.

The one that really blew me away was India. Now obviously I knew a certain percentage of the population speaks English in India, I know it’s a big country, but I was blown away at how many people were on Facebook, using iPhones, flagging themselves as English speakers in India. It’s at least 100 million people in my target demographic, which is twice as big as my target demographic in the UK and Canada combined. I’d been thinking of the UK and Canada as my number two and number three countries, but the truth is, India is number two.

It gets really counterintuitive when you start digging around in Facebook to see what that demographic is. Countries like Brazil have as many people flagged as English speakers as in Australia. I think of Australia as English speaking, but I don’t think of Brazil as English speaking. I’m from New Zealand and it’s an English speaking country. I don’t think of Argentina as an English speaking country, but there are twice as many people in Argentina that flag themselves as English speakers as there are in New Zealand. Suddenly I’m living in this topsy turvy upside down world where English is a whole lot more ubiquitous than I ever really thought.

Books written in English do sell in some of these other countries. I saw one study that showed that five of the top one hundred books in Brazil were written in English. So this is broadening my horizons. Up until this point, I’ve been very dedicated and loyal to Amazon. It’s been a good relationship; they’ve never screwed me over. I’ve done my print copies through CreateSpace, which is an Amazon subsidiary. I’ve done it through the Kindle. I’ve been in exclusivity programs. It’s gone really well. But if English is everywhere and Amazon isn’t, this gives me the sense that I’m missing out on potential sales around the world.

This then comes to the question of who is the second biggest book seller in the world. To my surprise it is in fact Apple. ITunes is the second biggest book retailer in the world. Around the world there are a whole bunch of other booksellers like Kobo and Barnes and Noble. There’s just a pile of different booksellers around the world that can sell my book. I’m coming out of Amazon’s exclusivity agreement and getting my book on every single platform that I can imagine, just trying to make it easier for people to buy.

This is essentially what I’ve decided to do in the past three or four weeks. As I bring my books to new markets, I looked through to see if I wanted to make any kind of changes or tweaks, do I want to mess with the covers, do I want to mess with the price because the price has to be standardized.
In terms of the price, I am actually now starting to use Amazon’s pricing tool for Kindle, where they look at your book and reviews, the size of the book, and compare it to all the other books they have in their inventory. They then can suggest a price that they think will get you the maximum profit, the maximum royalty, what they predict that would be and what that would mean in terms of total sales. I’m basically giving it a shot to see what happens, and trusting that Amazon is self-motivated enough that they want to make the maximum profit so they’re actually trying to help me so that I make the maximum profit too. It was really interesting how much difference dropping the price a dollar or two on the Kindle was going to potentially make in terms of not so much total profit but in terms of total percentage of sales.

So I’ve done a price adjustment and I’m just trying to get my books everywhere.

That being said, if you’re a particular fan of mine and you have some of my books, I just want to go through them quickly so you know where we stand with some of these.

The first one is the Mindful Attraction Plan. I’ve made no changes at all inside this book. I’ve done a price drop, though. I don’t want to quote a price because three years from now someone will read this post and send me angry emails and threaten to sue me because the book is no longer available at whatever that price was. (I tell you this because this has happened to me.) With this book, I have only dropped the price and gotten it into all of the marketplaces that it could potentially be in.

The second one, “How To Answer Do these pants make my ass look fat?” has a new cover but is the same book. I did go through and reformat it slightly but it is the same book. As an author you’re limited about what you can do inside the book before it has to be flagged as a Second Edition a.k.a. “a completely new book”. The book has to be the same size, you have to use the same font, and you have to have the same page count. So it’s just slightly more readable in terms of formatting, and it has a new cover.

The one that I did make a great number of changes to was “The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011”. This is incidentally still my bestselling book. I did an eye catching cover change and added the subtitle “Plus a few more thoughts in 2015”. I have completely reformatted this book so it is particularly a whole lot better suited to the eBook format. I also did a whole new pass through the book for grammar, spelling, killing super wordy sentences; I’m basically a better writer now four years after I published.

That being said, the book is essentially the same. It doesn’t say anything substantially different; it’s all the same content apart from line editing. The one slight difference is that I added a couple of pages at the beginning and cut the last two chapter sections to re-write a few thoughts and fine tunings that I have now, and pointed readers toward “The Mindful Attraction Plan”, which is the next step.

Essentially it is the same book. If you have the old version on Kindle, you should be able to go onto your Kindle and update it to the current one. You’re not going to get a whole different book. This is not the Second Edition, it is still the 2011 edition. It will just be more readable on the Kindle format with a few extra thoughts added in and the same page count. There is no thought to ever have a Primer Second Edition at this point. The next books on the horizon will be taking the “Married Guy’s Guide to Wife” video series and turning that into books. If there is a Primer 2 it’s essentially those “Married Guy’s Guide to Wife” books.

And that’s about it.

Revel in the wonderful 3D cover images and delight buttons to Amazon, iTunes, Kobo and Nook. Revel in them.


hardbackstandingstraight_392x481The Mindful Attraction Plan

A quantum leap forward in self-improvement, ease of use and practical applications of running your own MAP. Where the Primer was focused on a “Red Pill for Men” approach, The Mindful Attraction Plan knits a smooth synthesis of four years of writing into an approachable book both men and women can use.

“This is the pure, original meaning of the Law of Attraction, far away from fad books like “The Secret”. The Mindful Attraction Plan is a very neat packaging of wisdom from a number of different sources, and that’s exactly what makes it stand out. It’s simple, easy-to-use and more importantly, it just plain works. ” -Brian C Rideout “The Wild Man Project”

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How to Answer “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”

The second book published by Athol Kay, this collection of classic essays highlights some of the best posts written on his blog in 2010 and 2011. Humorous, smart, and easy to read, this book is as much fun as it is educational.

“Once again my brother has mortified his family by writing this crap.” Athol’s little sister.


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hardbackstandingstraight_392x481 transThe Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011

The Primer is intended to act as a basic introduction to all the concepts on the MMSL blog in structured approach. The blog is free, but it could take you weeks or even months to get up to speed reading through the first two and a half years of posts. Reading the Primer gets you all caught up today.

“Athol Kay is an eloquent sex God and has most definitely cracked the code on female sexuality.” -Susan Walsh “Hooking Up Smart”


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6 Reasons Your Partner Won’t Have Sex With You

Learn about the six possible reasons that your partner won’t have sex with you.


Hi my name is Athol Kay and this is a video about the six reasons your partner won’t have sex with you or sex is declining, going away, less than it should be.

There really are only six possible reasons, and the truth of the matter is only one of them really likely has anything to do with you. I know that when you’re in a relationship where you’re not getting the sex, very often there’s the sense of “there is something wrong with me. I’m not doing something right. I’m not attractive. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not hot enough. I’m not good enough. They are rejecting me.”

And the truth is there’s probably only one of those reasons that is really, really about you. So let’s just run through them.


1.  Medical

The first one is that there is something medical going on. Something medical that is reducing their libido away to not much. That can be either some sort of disease they have, it can be changes in their endocrine system, it can be the medications they’re on. There are plenty of medications that really, really affect people’s sex drive. It’s often the case too that they have hormonal imbalances. If it’s a case where the husband basically has next to no testosterone, there is nothing the wife can do to gain his attention sexually.

So the starting point is always dig into all the medications they’re on and all the things that are potentially wrong with them, and often a starting point is getting checked out by a doctor to see, just where did libido go?


2.  Heavy Porn Use

The second one is heavy duty porn use, and this is pretty much rampant these days. It’s very rarely I come across a couple where there is not some degree of porn use that’s having some sort of interference. Essentially if the half of the couple that is into heavy porn use is sending all their sexual energy in the direction somewhere else other than you, they’re going to be basically hooked into it, connected to it, and not interested in you. All their energy is going elsewhere. So unless you can find all the porn use and stop it, they will never turn their full attention back to you. So well worth digging into is there some sort of secondary source where all their energy is going.


3.  Someone Else

Closely tied to that is the third one of it’s not just merely porn use and their interest is going that way, but there’s actually somebody else in the picture that they are becoming emotionally and mentally or physically engaged with. Basically, are they having an affair? Is there someone else? This can happen relatively quickly, or it can slowly creep up, but if you’re seeing really marked changes in their behavior, changing in their dress, changing how they treat you, some sort of sudden change, and you have that sort of sixth sense dread that there is someone else, it’s well worth checking into because… maybe.

And just like the porn, if they are already deeply engaged with somebody else, you simply trying to make yourself better and more interesting and fun to them is not necessarily going to pull their attention back if they’re completely hooked into this other person.


4.  Major Trauma

The fourth reason is there’s some sort of major trauma in their life and that may very well pre-date you by quite some time. So if you have the situation where they’ve been sexually abused as children, or teenagers, they’ve been an adult and they’ve had some sort of other rape or other serious trauma, often there comes a point where they have some sort of blockage in terms of wanting to be sexual with potentially anyone.

It’s also possible that some of that trauma has come with you, especially if you have been in any way abusive or if you’ve had any sense of genuine neglect, where they sort of reach that critical moment of being incredibly, incredibly hurt and then they shut down. If that’s the case, you probably know what that incident is.

For the most part I’m seeing most of the serious blockages for this stuff coming from some sort if childhood sexual abuse or sexual victimization once they’re older. This tends to be mostly women but obviously still can be guys. But that’s the fourth one…some sort of major trauma. And obviously the solution to that is some sort of counseling follow-up and that sort of stuff. And again it’s not necessarily anything to do with you.


5.  Secret Secondary Reason They Married You

So the fifth reason is that there is some sort of primary reason they got married and in a relationship with you other than wanting to be with you. So what I mean by that is that there is some sort of elephant in the room, there’s some sort of secret, where they got married to basically have some sort of sense of security and safety and almost hide within the relationship. So one of the most common reasons this happens is that they are gay. They are gay or lesbian and they’ve gotten married, to basically hide trying to have this so called normal life without coming out. As that secret starts coming out more and more, that’s when the relationship starts to break down. So this is one of the reasons I’m pro gay marriage because not having gay marriage hurts heterosexuals sometimes in quite terrible ways. Aanyone that has been around helping married couples and has come across his problem sees it for exactly what it is.

The other sort of secrets that I’ve come across is the one with someone wanted a Green Card, they wanted access to the United States, and basically said whatever they needed to say, did whatever they needed to do, to get in. The other reason I see is people just wanting to escape their abusive relationship, escape their abusive family, and someone came along, offered them a relationship, and it just looked like a parachute and they grabbed onto it and escaped from wherever they are. So if they got married to hide something and escape something, for reasons other than being with you, wanting to be with you, that often is part of the problem where once they are married the sex suddenly takes a dive.  You might have had a really hot, fun good engagement but then as soon as you get married suddenly the sex is gone.


6.  You Aren’t Attractive Enough

Reason number six in a sense the simplest one but also the most painful one, and that is they simply don’t find you attractive because you have let what you’ve done for attraction slide away.

Once they were attracted to you, but not so much now, because you are no longer doing the things that they found attractive in the first place. So in that case, there’s something rather more you can do then in terms of finding ways to make yourself more attractive, finding ways to make yourself more appealing.



It’s always a good thing to maximize your attractiveness, but it’s also really, really worth digging in to this six reason matrix of what it could be in order to find out the true scenario. Because no doubt you simply felt you’re not attractive, you’re not wanted, you’re not lovable, but like I say, if it is medical, if there’s something wrong with their endocrine system, it doesn’t matter what you do to increase your attractiveness, they aren’t going to want to have sex with you.

If they’re on a medication that is totally destroying their libido, it doesn’t matter what you do, that’s always going to be some sort of problem. So is it medical or medications? Is it some sort of major relationship trauma? Is it some sort of sexual abuse? Do they have a really, really deep porn habit? Are they having an affair? Are they trying to hide something else entirely? Or is it you? And if it is you, you can do things to change it. And if it’s not you, you owe it to yourself to dig in to find out exactly what it is that’s going on.

And that’s about it. There’s really only six reasons.

The Critical Difference Between Being Nice and Creating Relationship Comfort

Feel like you’re banging your head against the wall being nice to them, only to feel like they don’t want you around?


Hi I’m Athol Kay and this is a short video about the difference between being nice and creating true relationship comfort.

I want to talk about this because this is one of the biggest misunderstandings guys seem to have in their relationships. I often find there are guys that come up and say “I’m so nice to her. I do all these nice things. I’m pleasant. I’m relaxing. I’m easygoing. I’m thoughtful, I’m caring. I’m sweet. I’m very, very pleasant to be around.”

All that can all be true, and it can be basically and okay thing, but even that can be different than creating a true sense in her that she is comfortable being in a relationship with you. So being nice and pleasant is helpful, but it may not actually convert into true comfort. And she’s not going to feel a true sense of comfort being in the relationship with you unless she is also attracted.

If she is attracted, then you being basically pleasant is a positive. But if she is not attracted and you’re spending all this time and energy just in this sort of low level orbit around her trying to please her and be pleasant and hang out, she’s going to find herself becoming increasingly uncomfortable with you around. Then she’s going to do the things that you hate. She’s going to start trying to distance herself. She’s going to push back a bit. She’s going to want to create space. She’s going to blow up and be angry and walk out, ask you to leave, whatever.

So if you don’t have a sense of already having created attraction, then all that nice is going to backfire. You don’t immediately just stop being completely pleasant and become a total jerk, but you really have to work on attraction because ultimately you do need attraction to create a true sense of relationship comfort.

Creating Attraction vs. Creating Relationship Comfort

One very common mistake almost everyone makes in their relationship is forgetting to build attraction.


Hi, My name is Athol Kay and this is a short video about attraction vs relationship comfort.

Very, very often when I talk to guys, they’ve had a relationship that’s had this slow decline over several years and then they get to this sort of wake up point where it now just kind of sucks. It’s now at a point where it’s very natural and normal to be unhappy with your wife or girlfriend. Why was it so good before? I’m doing all this stuff to basically be nice and make this relationship work, but meanwhile you’re getting meaner towards me, the sex is starting to disappear, and I’m starting to feel like I’m last in line for everything. The kids come first, I don’t get sex, and I’m taken for granted.

This is very common. Usually though what I’ve found is over that slow decline you’ve stopped doing all the things that were generating attraction for her in the first place. So it’s kind of an exaggeration but let’s take an example.

If when you first met her, you were wearing leather jackets, riding motorcycles, playing guitar in a band, scruffy beard etc., and that was what she was into. Then you’ve cleaned up your act. The leather jacket’s gone, you now drive a minivan, goodness knows where the guitar is, and you’re walking around clean shaven, you’re not doing anything any more that was attracting her. This is very counter-intuitive because plenty of times the wife is saying these are the things I actually want you to do, but if they are not the things that are creating attraction, slowly over time she’s going to lose interest.

You’re spending all your time and effort and energy on trying to appease her and trying to be nice and sweet and caring and do all these lovey-dovey things, which can be really important in terms of creating comfort, but they don’t create attraction.

So unless you know what actually attracts her, you’re always eventually going to run out of steam and miss the mark, and her interest in you is going to go down and down and down.

The Stay Plan and the Go Plan are the Same Thing

When your marriage is in crisis, you often become paralyzed and unable to take action. Here’s how to break free of that.



Hi I’m Athol Kay and this is a short video about the concept of the stay plan and the go plan being the same thing.

I had a video before where I talked about the difference between marriage problems and life problems. There’s often a sense that my marriage is struggling, I’m unhappy in it. But often the source of these problems are somewhere else in your life. It’s a career problem. It’s a money problem. It’s a health problem. It’s a where we live problem. It’s the house is falling down problem, and that all impacts on the relationship. So the solution is obviously to work on the life problems and hopefully the relationship sustains itself.

That being said, you can often be in the situation where there’s so much going on that the relationship is close to just breaking down and dying no matter what. So in those cases what I tend to do is come up with what I say is “the stay plan” and “the go plan” are the same thing.

This is where rather than trying to necessarily work on the marriage itself, we look at the whole life and say okay what are all the things that you need to do as individuals that are going to make your lives better, regardless of whether you stay married or you split up.

So if you have say a true career problem and then you need to go back to school or switch jobs or whatever, you probably need to do that whether you’re married to this person you’re struggling with or you’re not married to them. If someone has a true health issue, they need to fix that whether they stay married or they leave the marriage.

So it’s all about trying to identify all the things that you both need to improve upon whether you stay married or you split. And very often these things would benefit you even if you split and even if it’s something to do with the other person. So you’re obviously going to be better off if you’re going to have an ex-wife that fixes her employment or health problems just as much as it would be if she was still your wife. If you’re a wife, and your husband has a terrible gambling problem say, that’s in your interest that he fixes that whether he’s married to you or not married to you.

It’s all about trying to find the things that are going to get you some sort of win no matter the circumstances, no matter the outcome of the marriage. Which means you can just get started on fixing something, anything, without consciously going though a rollercoaster of thoughts thinking “Will the marriage survive?” Because that’s obviously traumatic and stressful thinking about that.

This allows you to just start somewhere, make some sort of progress, and hopefully, eventually, get yourselves to a place where the marriage gets a little easier to work on because you’ve started sorting out some of these life problems together.