The One Simple Truth About What Makes Something Sexy

It’s so obvious once you know what it is…

 

 

Hi I’m Athol Kay and this is a short video about “what is sexy”.

This is the number one question people have behind everything, and the answer is what is sexy is everything that is good for making babies and raising them to adults.

This might seem a little counter-intuitive but if you pull the camera back and look at everything that people do and everything that people find is sexy and attractive, at some point you’ll find that ultimately it’s about fertility, it’s about being able to have healthy babies, it’s about being able to grow them up. Everything is about what is good for making and raising babies.

This is why men are so interested in young, fertile women. This is why women are interested in men who have some sense of dominance, social standing, status, money and power. One is really good for getting babies to term, one is really good for raising them. So if you look at everything people do, anything that is sexy is in some way a display of high value in terms of I’m someone good to make babies with.

That’s not to say they necessarily want to have a kid, it’s just that if they did want one they would be displaying a lot of value and a lot of attractiveness…a lot of good advertisement that they would be good to make them.

So this is why men like young, hot women. This is why women like men with some sense of confidence, money status and power. Always do, always will, always have been. It’s programmed into us.

The Difference Between a Marriage Problem and a Life Problem

What if your marriage doesn’t really suck? What if it’s just… life?

 

Transcript

Hi I’m Athol Kay and this is a short video about the difference between marriage problems and life problems.

Typically I have guys coming to me and asking me to help them fix some sort of problem in their marriage, to help them get a better relationship, to help them get a better sex life, and stop the fighting, stop the nagging, fix the relationship. They’re often a little bit confused and frustrated that I ask so many questions about their whole life, everything about them.

The reason I do that is because very often things that are causing problems inside the relationship, inside the marriage, are actually coming from somewhere outside the marriage. They are some sort of external problem. Which means, the solution you want to bring to it needs to be something directed to that.

One of the most common problems are people fighting about money, and if money is what is making your relationship suck, the solution is not marriage counseling, the solution is not reading a book about relationships, not talking about your feelings, not emoting or anything. The solution is fixing the money problem.

With lots of these problems, the marriage is struggling but the marriage is actually supporting you through this life problem. So this is why I ask all these questions about your health, your fitness, your whole life, your career, your personality, your circle of friends, all these sorts of things. Because very often you’re going to find that somewhere behind the sex life problem is some sort of  just normal every day life problem, and if you can address it and fix it that way, then very often the relationship problem and the sex problem seems to magically self-resolve.

So this is why I ask all these questions. Very often you’re going to have a life problem, not a relationship problem or a sex problem. Fix that and you’re going to be good as gold.

The Three Love Systems

There are three different biological systems responsible for love.

 

The Three Love Systems was something I was turned onto by Dr. Helen Fisher and it really looks at just the biological way that you can look at love.

There are three different biological systems to do with what we would call love.

The first one is all pretty much based on the neurotransmitter dopamine and is all about attraction. And that’s the sense of infatuation, it gives you that sense of excitement, that sense of fun, that little touch of adrenaline, that sense of I have to have this person or be with this person. And that is all about attraction building.

The second love system is all based on the hormone oxytocin and is all about that sense of trust, intimacy, relationship comfort and pair bonding.

The third one is basically just straight up libido and it’s pretty much based on testosterone. It’s slightly more complicated for women, it’s obviously really tied into it for men, but even for women it’s still some sort of sense of testosterone driving that baseline raw interest in the opposite sex.

So in order to be in a successful sexual relationship with someone, especially a long term one, you need to be able to hit all three Love Systems for the relationship to survive. So you need to be doing things that is going to be attracting them. You need to be doing things that is creating a sense of relationship comfort, and you also need to be doing the things that’s creating that sense of just raw sexual interest in you.

So for attraction you need to be displaying high value to the opposite sex that you would be someone that they would want to get to be with, that you’re going to create relationship comfort that having been interested in you they would actually want to stay in a relationship with you and stay connected. And libido, basically that you sort of meet at least the minimum requirements of them being interested in you sexually. So you have to create attraction, comfort and basically be appealing on a straight up libido level.