Hello beautiful people. My name is Athol, talking about marriage, relationships and getting what you want from them. Today’s episode is going to be a bit of a story time and will help lay the groundwork for more of the theory crafting in the next episode tomorrow.
So lets go back to my second serious girlfriend that I had. I was probably about twenty at the time and as I tell the story, understand I don’t think that I was perfect in this relationship. I was horribly underskilled. Had not dated a heck of a lot at that point. And this is a long time ago. Twenty-six years or so.
I was twenty and I can’t quite remember if the two events I’m going to tell you about happened in the order they did but I’m pretty sure. Like I say, ages back. So second serious girlfriend, and event number one that kind of made me sit up and go huh was we were having some sort of discussion, and she brought up how her previous boyfriend had dumped her. Namely that when he dumped her, she was so distraught and upset that she drove her car into a telephone pole in an attempt to kill herself.
I had two thoughts I think at the time. One was, well that’s a bit extreme and not the greatest move. The second thought that I had was actually I was a little bit hurt by it. In my mind it seemed like if you were that much into someone, that you would attempt to kill yourself, drive your car into a telephone pole, that meant you were really into that guy. I didn’t think she was quite as much into me. So call it narcissistic and self-involved, I was actually a little bit hurt because I thought if I dumped her she wouldn’t drive into a telephone pole.
Like I say this is a loooong time ago. But it really did make me sit back and go huh, that’s a little bit off. As the relationship went forward we had some ups and downs and I remember always being a little bit in trouble. Her always being a little bit angry and a little bit mad at me.
Then the second event made me go oh, this is just not going to work. The second event was we had some sort of discussion and she was really, really angry and she went on this thirty second rant about how angry she was at her father, how angry she was at her brothers, how angry she was at just men in general. I don’t know if the ex-boyfriend came up, but just, she just went on this tirade. I remember having this sort of awakening moment of oh, you’re just really pissed off at men. You are angry and you hate men, and I’m a man, and that’s why you’re always angry at me. I remember just sort of sitting back and thinking, this might never work. I’m always going to be in trouble. I’m always going to be the bad guy even when I’m not trying to be.
Like I said this is a long, long, long time ago, and I didn’t end the relationship just then. I probably tried to make it work for a couple of weeks, whatever, but eventually I did end it. Of course full disclosure, I attempted to re-start it a couple of weeks after that, because everybody goes back and tries to fix it or whatever and she just exploded on me.
That was that. Never looked back, never contacted her again.
So the take-away point is that there are these two big red flag moments and I kind of missed one and I got the second. Looking back, if I tried to make a relationship with this woman I probably would have tried pretty hard. I could have seen potentially getting married or whatever it was and probably not having the life that I’ve had now.
About a year after this when down I think I met my wife. Three years after that we got married, and it’s been pretty darn good. So I can always look back at that moment of awakening and awareness with a sense of oh that was a bullet dodged there. I don’t bear her any ill will. I hope things are fine for her. I don’t actually think about her that much other than this story of red flags.
So that’s about it, going to leave it there. Next episode I’m going to talk about the theory behind the red flag moments like this and what it really means and how you need to interpret them and just how important they are that you catch them.
Hope you like the video. Like, share, subscribe, comment. All that good internet stuff.
And I will see you tomorrow.