Hi there, my name is Athol and in this video I’m going to give you the three critical mistakes that guys make in their relationships.
You can have one of these critical mistakes, you can have two of these mistakes or you can have all three of these critical mistakes. But almost invariably these are the root causes for relationship failure. So it’s super important to know exactly what these three are.
Critical Mistake One – Not Enough Alpha
The first critical mistake that guys make is they don’t have enough Alpha. They give up their personal power. They stop doing all the things that were making them attractive in their relationship in the first place. They neuter their personality and they start sacrificing their own happiness for no real gain in the relationship.
When you give up your power, you give up your attractiveness. When you sacrifice your own happiness for someone else, there is nothing left of you for your wife or girlfriend to be attracted to. As her attraction to you drops, her happiness starts to fall away and she becomes less and less interested in you. There’s less and less payoff for her to be in a relationship with you because you’ve become less and less attractive.
She loses attraction for you, just as you would lose attraction to her if she cut off all her hair, stopped wearing makeup, got a major breast reduction down to less than an A cup, didn’t dress nice any more and generally made herself as frumpy and unappealing as possible.
Many women experience a sense of confusion as they lose attraction to their husbands and boyfriends. It’s this loss of male Alpha they are experiencing.
Critical Mistake Two – Not Enough Beta
The second mistake that guys can make is what’s known as they just don’t have any Beta. They take the relationship for granted while they are busy off doing other things. There are so many guys that can work twelve, fourteen hour days and just assume the little woman at home is completely fine with it. Meanwhile she’s starting to feel desperately lonely, neglected or unwanted. Guys that lack Beta are often unable to express any kind of true, genuine emotion. They come across as not really intimate, not emotionally connected to her, and often the wife or girlfriend is just slowly dying on the inside.
Many guys don’t even perceive that their wife is signaling true relationship distress, or they can also just completely ignore it. Some guys are so disconnected they don’t even realize there is a problem. They are oblivious to the reality that they are in a relationship with someone who has hopes, dreams, needs and an emotional state looking for connection. They provide no relationship comfort. So that’s the second critical error, no Beta.
Critical Mistake Three – Weak Relationship Repair Skills
A husband can be genuinely positively motivated to fix his relationship, but lack the skills to do it. They can love their wife. They can want the relationship to work, but struggle to know what to do to repair it. They don’t know how to recreate that attraction and relationship comfort.
It’s also problematic in that they can be positively motivated but their clumsiness and attempts to repair, make things actively worse and hasten the decline of their relationship. Or they can wait far too long to make an attempt to repair. They can see it’s getting worse, not know how to fix it so ignore it, and it gets persistently worse.
Most guys tend to be either really good at the Alpha and attraction building stuff, or tend to be naturally good at the Beta and relationship comfort building stuff. When the relationship is starting to struggle and fail, they often double down on what they are good at and do even less of what they’re not good at. The trouble with that is if you’re already high Alpha and low Beta, well you being even more Alpha and less Beta is only making the situation worse.
The opposite is true as well. If you are already high Beta low Alpha, and you get even higher Beta and lower Alpha, that also makes the situation worse.
And the common flip flopping of “Oh my god I was all Alpha, now I have to be all Beta” , or “I was all Beta and now I have to be all Alpha.” That can have a short term improvement, because at last she finally gets the thing that she was looking for, but then if you are now going over the top to the extreme in a different direction, it’s only going to give you a short term result.
Learning about the Alpha and Beta Traits is a mind-blowing experience for a lot of guys, and they often make huge attempts to put things right once they learn them. They’re incredibly excited to finally have the answer. Unfortunately they can also get incredibly frustrated because they don’t get an instant fix from applying the solution. Often they give up too soon and stop doing the things that if they persisted with it would improve and fix their relationship. They go back to what they were doing before that wasn’t working and they don’t let the relationship heal and fix itself over time.
It’s a little bit like if you broke your leg, you got a cast put on, and then one week into wearing the cast you’re like, “Well this cast hasn’t fixed my broken leg. Let me just cut the damn cast off and I’ll figure out how to do it myself.” Sometimes you really do just have to do not a whole heck of a lot, wear the cast for six to eight weeks and let that slow healing process work and then we can talk about taking the cast off and you walking on it. Sometimes you’ve got to heal before you can walk, and you’ve got to walk before you can run and all that sort of stuff.
So essentially what I do with my work, with my books, with the video series, with the coaching, what I’m trying to do with this channel is give the guys the ability to learn the skills to be a little more Alpha, give them the skills to learn how to be a little more Beta and give them the repair tools that they need in order to fix their relationships.
You can certainly get a lot of benefit from the books. I think you’ll get more benefit from the video series, and if you really want to fine tune it then that’s what the coaching is for. So this is what I’m trying to do. Teach guys how to be more Alpha, be a little more Beta, and how to get the repair tools that they need. The truth is most guys are pretty positively motivated. They don’t start relationships hoping to blow them up. They certainly have no desire to be divorced and they genuinely love their wives, it’s just a little bit of cluelessness sometimes and all they need is a little bit of a push in the right direction and learn the skills and your average guy can be a pretty good husband. It’s just giving them the tools to do it.
And that’s about it. Going to leave it there. That’s kind of what I do in a nutshell. More Alpha, more Beta, learning the skills to repair. And I will catch you next time.