#52 Timelapse LOL

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol and this is Relationship Momentum.

So today’s task for me is to catch up on the massive backlog of turning the video transcripts into blog posts. I think I’m up to video 52 and I’m up to number 43 for blogs.

My wife very kindly does the video transcription for me, and you would think taking the transcript and turning it into a blog post would be like snapping your fingers, just cut, paste, bam you’re done. Not so much.

Not so much because the way I speak does not translate really well into the way I write, and I tend to want to have the writing itself be a good experience. Some people are just going to go to the blog and never come to YouTube, and I want them to think that I’m a good writer rather than just cranking out garbage. So each of these videos is about 1000-1500 words and it usually takes me anywhere between 20 minutes and 40 minutes to really break down the editing process and turn a transcript into a good blog post.

At least it’s not as long as writing it all from scratch, but anyway here we go. I have a video time lapse montage-y thing and this is going at twenty times the speed. This was actually 34 minutes of work down to a minute fifty or something. Okay here we go. So I open it all up, grab the transcript, grab the cover art, slap it all into WordPress and then I begin the process of editing.

It’s really taking out a whole bunch of extraneous words. The thats and the alsos and the reallys. I threw in the links to the Attraction and Comfort earlier video’s posts. As you can see I’m trying to turn the transcript into something that’s actually readable, so little subheadings and the highlighting and the misspelling of sensual that I did not catch until I finished the video and went back.

Go go go. This is actually me working pretty quickly. This was a long one. This was about 1500 words. Go go go. It’s kind of relaxing watching this, like if I could work this fast it would be wonderful but I don’t. A lot of it is just trying to shape it into something that is readable and clear and can jump out. And I do two editing passes. One of them I do inside the post editor and then I always have to go back and look at it as a finished post, so this is why I’m jumping backwards and forwards between what is the finished post and the editor, because I just can’t see half of these errors until it looks like a finished post.

So I did that, gotta throw it up on the Facebook. Throw it up on the Twitter, and we are done.

So anyway, that’s about it. I hope you like it. This is something I’m meant to do every single day and I’ve got to do it about another seven or eight times this evening. Go me. Hope you like the video. Like, share, comment, subscribe and all that good internet stuff. And I will talk to you tomorrow.

DON’T DO THE THING

Hello beautiful people, my name is Athol, talking about marriage, relationships and getting what you want from them. In this episode I’m going to talk about one of my stock pieces of advice that I tell many, many people which is not to do The Thing.

The Thing is after a divorce or a major relationship breakup, immediately jumping into a new relationship too quickly. That is The Thing. You get divorced and then three months later you are deep into dating somebody else.

The reason I tell people not to do The Thing is that after a big breakup, after a divorce, you’re usually completely emotionally exhausted by it. Also, you can be financially exhausted in the case of divorce. When you’re in that really low energy state, you tend to attract someone into your life who is also at some kind of low energy state. That might be a temporary issue for them or it may be a more chronic issue for them. So if you get in a relationship with someone that is in this low energy state as well, you tend to set yourself up for a relationship that is low energy. You can end up missing the red flags that would be completely obvious because you’re just too tired to really see them.

There’s also the thing where just because your relationship has ended, doesn’t mean there’s not necessarily some more work to do in terms of the way you approach things, how you think of things, your own mental health. It’s often going to be difficult to work on some of this stuff if you’re immediately caught up in the whole dopamine rush, in love, new exciting person. You end up not building supports into your own life where you are self-supporting and are stronger and better for yourself, you end up trying to build a life with this new person who’s not necessarily going to be ideal long term.

The other reason that people jump into these relationships is they are lonely, hurt and they need validation. All these strong drives that propel you into trying to find somebody new. They’re all very, very real and sometimes you can miss red flags, because you are just so needy for that sense of love and support. In that moment of pain anyone can be good enough, as opposed to finding someone who is good for a long term relationship or even good for a short term relationship.

So there’s often this thing after a breakup where people get involved with someone who’s kind of a transitional person. And sometimes that transitional person is them and sometimes (against your will) that transitional person turns out to be you. So there’s a whole bunch of pitfalls.

So have this canned speech, which you’ve just heard now, of don’t do The Thing.

Except when I give the speech about not doing The Thing, it turns into this little play that we do where the person I’m giving advice to says their lines and I say my lines.

(This is only the transcript, it’s more fun if you watch the video from 3:38 onward.)

So we start off in a pretty good place. I’ve give you lots of good advice. You’ve gone through your relationship. It’s ended however it’s ended. You’re feeling stronger, happier and healthier.

Then because I’m old and tired I give you the advice about not doing The Thing.

You look at me’ deep in my eyes and you promise, “I’m not going to do The Thing.”

A few weeks later or a few months later you tell me, “I’ve just met this wonderful person. It is just absolutely fantastic and I’m doing the thing.”

I say, “Wow, I’m super happy for you. That sounds fascinating.”

And then you go off and do the thing and it plays out as it plays out and at first it’s really good. And then it’s a little bit rough around the edges. And then it really gets bad and overwhelming, and you tell me about it and I say, “Alright well let’s get together. Let’s do some more advice. Let’s do a coaching call.” And we try and sort our way out and get you back on your feet again.

It used to be that seeing this script play out was incredibly frustrating. I used to get so annoyed by it at times when I would spend all this time telling people “Don’t do The Thing” and then they go do The Thing and it would blow up on them. Then I went through a period of feeling sad by it. What is the point of giving advice. Everyone is just going to ignore it and go do The Thing.

Now I’m accepting of it. I still feel like I need to give the advice, don’t do The Thing, and I generally wait for people to go do The Thing, because I said before there’s such powerful drives to do this and if I can stop a few people from having truly epically bad results then it’s win but most people are going to go do The Thing and there’s not much I can do to stop it.

So I do feel obliged to give the advice, but if I’ve given the advice to you and you come back to me and you tell me, “I did the thing and it ended badly.” I’m never going to tell you I told you so. I’m just going to pick up the pieces, going to try and sort things out, try and get you back on your feet, pointed in the right direction and getting to a place where you’re going to be happy and healthy and things are going to go well for you because that’s truly what I want.

I mean what I want for you is to be able to live long and prosper. So that is the advice for today… Don’t do The Thing. Tomorrow I’ve got a video where I’ll talk about when is it time to start doing The Thing. When is it time to get back out there? When is it time to meet people and get up to speed again, because it’s not like I want you to live like a monk forever.

And that’s about it. I will leave it there. Hope you liked the video. Until next time, like, share, subscribe, comment, all that good internet stuff, and I will talk to you tomorrow.